Scared To Have A Little Hope

Mazy’s class did a chapel this yr, the place they have been inspired to observe the songs they have been going to sing in entrance of the varsity. One of many songs on repeat on the best way to highschool was “Counting My Blessings” by Seph Schlueter. And wouldn’t ya know, each time I heard it, I obtained all teary-eyed as a result of the start lyrics outline what our journey has been:

It’s prefer it was yesterday
I used to be a praying for a miracle
Scared to have slightly hope
And now trying again at this time
Seeing all of the issues You’ve carried out
I can’t even add them up

One, two, three
As much as infinity
I’d run out of numbers
Earlier than I may thank You for the whole lot

God, I’m nonetheless counting my blessings
All that You’ve carried out in my life
The extra that I look within the particulars
The extra of Your goodness I discover
Father on this aspect of Heaven
I do know that I’ll run out of time
However I’ll preserve counting my blessings
Figuring out I can’t rely that prime

Right here’s the complete music in the event you’d wish to hearken to it:

Again in September, we have been praying for a miracle. That God would heal my coronary heart sufficient in order that I may have a bone marrow transplant. And wouldn’t you realize, (I do know I shouldn’t be shocked), however God did simply that. My ejection fraction was simply excessive sufficient for me to have a BMT! Then we prayed {that a} donor could be discovered. And wouldn’t you realize, she was an ideal match. After which we prayed that I may get via the BMT with minimal issues. And I’ve been doing nice, regardless of a number of hiccups right here and there. We prayed for these miracles, and God regularly offered. Blessings as much as infinity!

And but, I’m scared to have slightly hope. You’re in all probability questioning how may we be remotely scared when God has offered for our household, in numerous of how, bringing us via some fairly deep valleys? However I’m scared to have hope that the most cancers is gone. Hope that life may simply possibly return again to regular (no matter that’s). Hope that God may use me in my therapeutic, and never simply my hurting. How does one have hope once more after preventing battles that appear to by no means finish? For this, I’m nonetheless studying.

One factor I’ve been finding out recently is the mind and the way simply our ideas can dictate our lives – our actions, beliefs, reactions, feelings, and so forth. It’s been extremely fascinating and I’ve realized how “caught in my very own mind” I’ve been. I’ve overlooked the reality of God. What he says within the Bible. Prefer to not concern. I concern. To not be afraid. I will be. To belief in God and never lean by myself understanding. Who’s the primary to google a brand new phrase or situation I’m having? ME! Palms raised excessive, of us!

I’m scared to have slightly hope as a result of I concern what is perhaps taken away from me once more. Leaving my job on the faculty was very painful for me. Not having the ability to attend youth group occasions and go to youth normally, left me in tears on Sunday nights, longing to be with the children I like a lot. Getting into again into a few of these issues once more, slowly however absolutely, additionally has me guarded (actually as I sport my pink masks). It’s like I virtually don’t need to get too shut, for concern of it hurting once more, if all of it will get taken away. If you happen to’ve been via any stage of struggling, you realize precisely what I’m speaking about. And let’s be sincere, that’s all of us. All of us have suffered indirectly as a result of we dwell in a damaged and corrupt world.

However I’ve overlooked who’s in management. I resonate a lot with Job, from the Bible, in a teensy tiny manner. I imply the poor man was BEAT DOWN from each path, and but he nonetheless blessed the identify of the Lord! If solely I may have an oz. of the religion he had! However all of God’s choices surrounding well being and illness, who’s sick, who will not be, who has what illness, who doesn’t, aren’t just for our good, however for the nice of these round us too. Struggling isn’t a “get out of service free” card. Belief me, it’s arduous to serve whenever you’re remoted, weak, and might’t actually go away the partitions of your property. However possibly your marriage wrestle is for that good friend who must be inspired in hers. Perhaps your hospital keep is for that nurse who must see Christ in you. Perhaps your nervousness is in your youngster to see that we are able to do all issues via Christ who provides us energy. However you see, ALL of this stuff require us to look past ourselves and see what God is doing in and thru us – utilizing it for a higher glory. So once I’m scared to have slightly hope, I’ve to recollect it’s less than me, however as much as God, with how He directs my steps and my life. And what he permits, isn’t only for me to undergo, however for others to see his glory via it.

I don’t need concern to cease me from magnifying Christ via the presents and alternatives He has given me. I’m nervous to have that hope once more, however I need to use each diagnoses, each triumph, each setback, every bit of our story, to level folks to Jesus. As a result of that’s the reason I’m right here. And that’s why you might be right here too. And nonetheless right here. To level folks to the loving grace of our Father!

All the things God does is correct and He does it effectively. I don’t need to lose sight of hope or lose sight of what God is perhaps doing in and thru us – it’s ALWAYS for a far higher function than we are going to ever think about!