An Open Letter to the Partner of an Unbeliever

This text is a part of the Open Letters collection.

Expensive Buddy,

I heard that you’re married to an unbeliever and will use some encouragement. I want you and I may sit down over espresso collectively and I may hear about your particular struggles. However for now, I pray that God will graciously use my phrases right here to consolation and strengthen you.

God has some particular directions for a believer married to an unbeliever. Since God instructions believers to not marry an unbeliever, you may marvel, Does God need me to remain married to my unbelieving partner? Fortunately, God’s phrase is obvious. Regardless of how you bought right here, in case your unbelieving partner consents to stay with you, you shouldn’t get divorced. (1 Cor. 7:12–16) When you’ve got youngsters, elevate them as Christians, as finest as you may by God’s grace.

This identical passage says that in case your partner decides to depart you, nonetheless unhappy this can be, let your partner go. You’re referred to as to peace. It’s not your fault, and the Lord will maintain you.

Whereas we will thank God for his clear directions about whether or not or not it’s best to keep married, a unbroken marriage to an unbeliever can nonetheless depart you with some severe hardships. What encouragement does God’s phrase give you as you face these challenges? Lots.

Regardless of the kind of trial, when I’m on the lookout for encouragement in my struggling, I like to show to the professional: the apostle Paul. He suffered at an Olympic degree (see 2 Cor. 11:16–33 for an extended listing), and he not solely survived however he thrived! How does this work? Paul thought-about all the things a loss in comparison with the surpassing price of figuring out Christ Jesus his Lord. (Phil. 3:8) Will you contemplate making Paul’s goal in his struggling your goal in your marriage? Are you able to contemplate your marriage to your unbelieving partner as God’s invitation so that you can get to know him higher by means of struggling?

You may marvel, What particular truths about God can fulfill me in my marriage to an unbeliever? Listed below are ten:

1. God is with you.

Even if you are married, it’s possible you’ll typically really feel lonely. This is smart. As long as you’re united to Jesus and your partner is just not, an invisible gulf separates you two. When you could typically expertise loneliness, you aren’t alone in it. God is with you, and he won’t ever depart you or forsake you. (Heb. 13:5; Deut. 31:6) Let his presence consolation you.

2. God is mighty to avoid wasting. (Zeph. 3:17)

Years of watching somebody reject Jesus can tempt you to suppose your partner is past God’s attain. Bear in mind: the one who made the mountains, the one who parted the seas and raised Jesus from the useless—he can save your partner. Nothing is inconceivable for God. Look what number of occasions individuals within the Bible wanted to listen to this: Matthew 19:26; Luke 1:37; Mark 10:27; Job 42:2; Jeremiah 32:17; Genesis 18:14; and Luke 18:27! Sing this reality, drive it into your coronary heart, and hold praying to your partner’s salvation. Don’t quit. God can soften your partner’s coronary heart, even at the moment. (Ezek. 36:26)

3. God alone has the ability to avoid wasting.

You may’t save your partner! In your earnest need to your partner’s salvation, it’s possible you’ll be tempted to suppose, If solely I pray sufficient and if solely I stay a extra godly life, my partner will likely be saved. Don’t be fooled. Overlook the if onlys. You don’t get the credit score or the blame to your partner’s religious state. Salvation is all of God’s grace and his alone. Romans 8:30 makes God’s sovereign position in salvation clear: “these whom he predestined he additionally referred to as, and people whom he referred to as he additionally justified, and people whom he justified he additionally glorified.” Your partner’s salvation is all of him!

4. God can use you in your partner’s salvation.

If you are not chargeable for your partner’s salvation, God can use you. (1 Peter 3:1–2) Simply consider who he utilized in your salvation! Dad and mom, associates, a pastor? Let your distinctive alternative for use by God add that means, goal, and pleasure to your life.

5. God delights to reply prayer. (Ps. 37:4; John 16:23–24; 1 Peter 3:12)

Maintain praying to your partner. When you’ve got slacked off in prayer (and who hasn’t?), ask God to forgive you and that can assist you to start out praying once more till the day God brings your partner to salvation. Ask God to point out his saving grace to your partner, not simply to your comfort however to your partner’s good and for the glory of God’s grace. And what a chance you need to present God’s grace! Use your information of your partner to not retailer up complaints in opposition to your partner however to tell your prayers to your partner. Bear in mind, Jesus ever lives to intercede for you. It’s your privilege to go God’s grace on by interceding to your partner.

God needs to avoid wasting his individuals, and in his timing he’ll. So don’t lose coronary heart.

6. God forgives all of your sins.

Do you catch your self typically not desirous to go God’s grace on to your partner? Once you discover your coronary heart wanting to carry a grudge, heed Jesus’s gracious warning within the parable of the unforgiving servant. (Matt. 18:21–35) He was rebuked for not forgiving a small debt after he had been forgiven a big one. Do not forget that God doesn’t deal with us as our sins deserve. (Ps. 103:10, 12) Certainly, he retains no file of our wrongs. (1Cor. 13:5; Micah 7:19) Will you, in reliance upon God’s grace, resist the temptation to maintain a file of your partner’s wrongs, and as a substitute, obey God’s command to forgive your partner simply as God, in Christ, has forgiven you? (Eph. 4:32) In that case, this will likely be a robust every day testimony to your misplaced partner.

7. God is working. (John 5:17)

Don’t be too discouraged by your partner’s sin. The presence of sin doesn’t imply God is just not at work in your partner’s life. Bear in mind, whereas we have been but sinners, Christ died for us. (Rom. 5:8) When you face severe sin directed in the direction of you or your youngsters, flip to your elders, your pastor, and trustworthy counselors to assist you in discerning a sensible path. Security could require short-term or everlasting separation out of your unbelieving partner. Nevertheless it may not. What alternatives is God supplying you with to spotlight the gospel even amidst sin?

8. God is conforming you to the picture of Christ. (Col. 3:10; Rom. 8:29; 2 Cor. 3:18)

It’s possible you’ll really feel the lack of goals you had for your self, how your house could be run, how your youngsters could be raised, and the way you’d share your deepest longings. Maybe your closest associates take pleasure in these blessings, making you all of the extra painfully conscious of what you lack. Bear in mind, God calls every of us to die to self and to serve others in love—whether or not we’re married or single, wholesome or sick, wealthy or poor. In God’s windfall, your struggling, at the least a portion of it, comes by means of your being married to an unbeliever. What assurance can you discover that God will use your marriage to an unbeliever to evolve you to the picture of Christ? (Rom. 8:28–29)

9. God is for you.

You may marvel, If God is for me, why hasn’t he given me a believing partner? Whereas God’s phrase doesn’t reply this query, it does let you know in no unsure phrases that he’s not punishing you. There isn’t a condemnation for individuals who are in Christ Jesus. (Rom. 8:1) God nonetheless offers us fatherly self-discipline to steer us to repentance, however he doesn’t punish us. Christ took the entire punishment for our sins. Will you belief God that he’s not utilizing your marriage hardships to punish you however to refine you? (James 1:2)

10. God’s timing is ideal. (Hab. 2:3)

You doubtless want your partner was saved yesterday, if not earlier than! However God’s methods will not be our methods, and his timing is just not our timing. (Isa. 55:8–9) His methods are greater, and his timing is ideal. Hear the apostle Peter communicate to this, and apply it to you: “However don’t overlook this one truth, beloved, that with the Lord someday is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as someday. The Lord is just not gradual to satisfy his promise as some rely slowness, however is affected person towards you, not wishing that any ought to perish, however that each one ought to attain repentance” (2 Peter 3:8). God needs to avoid wasting his individuals, and in his timing, he’ll. So don’t lose coronary heart. Wait patiently. (Lam. 3:25–26) Have a look at others like Esther, Ruth, and Joseph, whose lives in hindsight displayed God’s excellent timing with readability. How is God encouraging you to belief his timing in your marriage to an unbeliever?

As I shut, I don’t wish to depart you alone. I urge you to proceed going to church and assembly with different Christians for Bible research and prayer. Don’t be too shy to ask for prayer. The apostle Paul and Jesus did! I’d love to listen to how God solutions these prayers for you and your partner. Right here is my prayer for you:

Expensive Father, I reward you that you’re with my buddy. You’re mighty to avoid wasting, and also you alone can save. Would you please use my buddy in your plan of salvation? Please present your enjoyment of answering prayer, and save my buddy’s partner. Could my buddy rejoice in the way you forgive all our sins, how you’re at work even now, and the way you’re conforming us to the picture of your Son. Please give my buddy persistence to belief your excellent timing. I belief you’ll reveal your self in my buddy’s marriage, all for reward of your glory. Within the identify of the one and solely excellent bridegroom to the church, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

Your sister in Christ,
Emily

Emily Van Dixhoorn is coauthor with Chad Van Dixhoorn of Gospel-Formed Marriage: Grace for Sinners to Love Like Saints.

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