An Open Letter to a Mom Affected by a Miscarriage

This text is a part of the Open Letters collection.

Expensive Sister,

In case you’re studying this letter, then I assume you—or somebody you dearly love—is affected by a miscarriage. You didn’t plan to stroll this painful path, and maybe solely hours or days in the past you have been making very completely different plans. Having already welcomed just a little one into your coronary heart, you eagerly anticipated welcoming a new child into your loved ones and residential. As a substitute, you’re left with an empty womb, empty arms, and an empty cradle. Your coronary heart is filled with sorrow, and your eyes overflow with tears.

I need to begin by saying I’m actually sorry. I’m sorry—as I think about those that love you might be additionally sorry, although they could battle to precise themselves or to understand how that can assist you. We’re sorry on your layers of loss, your bodily and emotional ache, this expertise of demise in a sacred area designed for all times, and the unhappy impacts of sin on this fallen world (Gen. 3:16). Conception is meant to imply new child life, not untimely demise, and but, right here you might be, going through one in every of your worst fears. It may be tough, if not unimaginable, to wrap one’s thoughts round this actuality. And it may be equally difficult to get up one other morning to the identical heartache and vacancy.

You might really feel perplexed proper now. That’s okay. You may overflow with questions. That’s okay too. However maintain trying to Jesus.

My hope in penning this letter is to fulfill you the place you might be. To affix you as you stare demise within the face and declare that it gained’t have the ultimate say. It gained’t be the top of your story. There’s hope past the grave as a result of Jesus lives.

Combat the Lies

Once I miscarried my child, it took months to establish among the lies I used to be entertaining. Whether or not you’re nonetheless reeling from a latest take a look at consequence otherwise you’ve been strolling this path for some time, perhaps you’re tempted to imagine that your physique’s battle to conceive and maintain a being pregnant is your fault, that it’s some type of retribution on your previous sins, and even that you just’re cursed.

These are all lies. They aren’t true.

In case you are a Christian, saved by grace by means of religion in Jesus, then our Lord took the curse on your sins in his physique on the cross (Gal. 3:13). You might be redeemed. Your child didn’t die on your sins; Jesus did. And thru his life, you now dwell.

Your miscarriage doesn’t suggest that God doesn’t love or care about you. We have to battle these lies with the reality of Scripture, which declares that nothing “in all creation” will be capable to separate God’s adopted, beloved daughters from his love (Rom. 8:39)—not even infertility, miscarriage, untimely start, or a stillbirth.

As a substitute of letting lies loop in your head, “take each thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Cor. 10:6) and “take into consideration what’s true” (Phil. 4:8). How do you do that? Maintain studying God’s phrase (even in bite-size chunks), play worship music (discover your non secular “battle” songs), take heed to Sunday’s message (even should you’re recovering at residence), and ask a buddy to wish for you (particularly when it’s laborious so that you can pray). Remind your self of what’s true.¹

You Are Not Alone

Although you might really feel very alone proper now, particularly should you hadn’t but shared the information of your being pregnant along with your broader circle of family and friends, you be part of a fellowship of moms who grieve a mess of sorrows associated to motherhood. Extra importantly, Jesus, our Savior, was “a person of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isa. 53:3). He understands our struggling and sympathizes with our weaknesses, and once we draw close to to him, we will count on to “obtain mercy and discover grace to assist in our time of want” (Heb. 4:16).

Maybe you’ve been surrounded by supportive individuals who’ve wept with you and introduced meals. If that’s the case, they’re proof of God’s look after you. However when your pals should transfer on with their lives, or ought to an prolonged member of the family counsel it’s time so that you can recover from your grief, our Lord continues to stroll with you in your journey. He says, “Worry not, for I’m with you” (Isa. 41:10), and he won’t ever go away or forsake you (Josh. 1:5; Heb. 13:5). “A bruised reed he won’t break, and a faintly burning wick he won’t quench” (Isa. 42:3), so certainly the Lord might be merciful to you—his daughter—in your hardest days. He’s completely loving, all the time affected person, and sort (1 Cor. 13:4). And he has good functions for you within the strategy of your lament and therapeutic.

God intends to show you truths that you just won’t be taught on a better path. There are treasures he provides you with on this darkish season (Isa. 45:3). It’s his plan to make you extra like Jesus (Rom. 8:38–39). And there’s future, everlasting glory he’s storing up for you (2 Cor. 4:17).

We grieve as girls who share a residing hope due to our risen Savior.

God’s Consolation Is Yours

Scripture might not spell out all the solutions to all your questions. You won’t know what went flawed, if you’ll ever carry a child full-term, how lengthy your coronary heart will ache, why God permits such deep struggling, or how to consider your child and eternity. Thriller surrounds miscarriage, and Deuteronomy 29:29 tells us that “the key issues belong to the LORD our God.” Nonetheless, the identical verse continues, declaring that “the issues that are revealed belong to us and to our youngsters perpetually.” And sister, what God has revealed presents nice consolation to hurting mothers.

First, Psalm 139 assures us that our Lord types life within the womb. Your infant’s creating body wasn’t hidden from him. Our God, who’s all over the place, was in that place. Earlier than an ultrasound or heartbeat was detected, our all-knowing God noticed your infant’s “unformed substance,” and in his e-book, day by day of your child’s life was written. How treasured are such ideas!

Subsequent, you may have the consolation of God’s character and his guarantees. the “Father of mercies and God of all consolation, who comforts us in all our affliction” (2 Cor. 1:3–4). He’s holy, smart, sovereign, good, trustworthy, gracious, forgiving, highly effective, and a lot extra. Due to this fact, we will belief his nice guarantees to maintain, strengthen, assist, maintain, and love us (1 Pet. 1:3–5). You may discover it useful to meditate on the attributes of God.²

As you rely upon the Lord, he gained’t help you be tempted past your capability, “however with the temptation he may also present the best way of escape, that you just might be able to endure it” (1 Cor. 10:13). And you may financial institution on the sufficiency of God’s grace, for his “energy is made excellent in weak spot” (2 Cor. 12:9). Cling to those truths right this moment. And if that’s laborious to do, ask the Lord that can assist you.

Grieve with Hope

On this facet of eternity, we grieve our losses—the little ones we carried however didn’t maintain, the on a regular basis moments we’ll miss and the celebrations that gained’t happen. However we don’t grieve “as others do who haven’t any hope” (1 Thess. 4:13). Fairly, we grieve as girls who share a residing hope due to our risen Savior.

Our heavenly Father is aware of what it’s like not solely to undergo the lack of a beloved youngster however to provide his very Son. “For God so liked the world, that he gave his solely Son, that whoever believes in him shouldn’t perish however have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Our hope, for ourselves in addition to our households, rests solely and utterly on this treasured present. Due to the gospel, . . .

We have now the hope of Jesus.

We have now the hope of heaven.

We have now the hope that, at some point, all issues might be made new, all our tears might be wiped away, and demise might be no extra (Rev. 21:4).

Do you’re feeling needy? Look to Jesus. Do you’re feeling weary or faint-hearted? Take into account him and take coronary heart (Heb. 12:–3). Although right this moment may be darkish and cloudy, the Lord walks with you, and you’ll grieve with hope.

In Christ,
Katie

Katie Faris is the writer of Each Hour I Want You: 30 Meditations for Mothers on the Character of God.

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