From Surviving to Thriving In Marriage

I’m going to be straight ahead and say that individuals don’t discuss marriage sufficient. How marriage takes work. How marriage is difficult. How marriage is effected by life circumstances.

When Dan and I look again on our marriage, it generally seems like we haven’t had a lot of a reprieve from medical struggles. It could possibly really feel like life has slammed us with one factor after one other, with some conditions extra critical than others, however they’ve typically left us questioning, what subsequent, God?

When vital life occasions alter our expectations, it could actually wreak havoc on desires and what we thought our lives would appear to be. Together with our marriages. If in case you have been by way of any tough circumstance whereas married, I’m certain you possibly can attest to this! Generally it takes ache to make features, however that ache can even create pressure.

I’d love to sit down right here and say that our marriage has flourished by way of most cancers and coronary heart failure, however that hasn’t at all times been the case. There was a lot stress that surrounds therapy, outcomes, scans, and to not point out, disruption in intimacy, time away from one another, disruption within the household unit, as every member of the family tries to search out their place within the chaos.

Dan and I frolicked collectively within the hospital room and at appointments, however conversations at all times have been about most cancers and learn how to get by way of the day. Not the issues that have been wanted to thrive; however simply survive.

So right here we’re. Nearly 1 yr publish transplant (takes a full yr to get better), popping out of survival mode, having lived extra as roommates, and but wanting higher. Wanting extra. Possibly your marriage hasn’t needed to stand the check of most cancers, however I dare wager it has needed to stand the check of one thing simply as tough. No marriage is besides from problem and but that is the very factor I really feel our society RARELY talks about. If you happen to dare point out marriage is difficult, are you able to simply really feel the judgment sinking in? However once more, I assure you EVERY couple may attest to the truth that it may be arduous; particularly when life’s circumstances throw a wrench into the life you thought you’d have.

So how can we proceed to combat for our marriages? To carry to the covenant we made earlier than God? It doesn’t matter what could come our approach?

Marriage is a call.

The day you mentioned “I do” most likely was the best half. However that call is the precise resolution we have to make EVERY SINGLE DAY. That I STILL AM dedicated to this marriage. To you. To life with you. The minute you cease deciding, you begin sliding. Every single day, make the selection to decide on one another.

Keep curious.

I as soon as heard it mentioned that by the point you might be older, you’ll have been married to 5-7 completely different “folks”. Now earlier than you bounce to conclusions, what I imply is that the particular person you married most likely isn’t the particular person they’re at this time. Properly, neither are you! Neither am I! I’m not the identical particular person earlier than I used to be married. After I had Mazy. After I went by way of most cancers. I’m a special particular person. However so is my husband! Which means two completely different folks, who’re consistently altering, are attempting to remain married. That’s the reason it is very important STAY CURIOUS. There may be ALWAYS one thing to study your partner. As life adjustments, be taught collectively. Study one another, collectively. And because of this…(see subsequent)

Marriage takes intentionality.

Anyone else ever reside in roommate mode with their partner? You come dwelling, do your factor, reside in the identical home, however don’t do something to develop the connection? Yep, that may be us – we weren’t being intentional. In marriage, we regularly assume we will’t get pleasure from life on this “season”, however will within the subsequent, after a sure season passes. We have to cease ready for the subsequent season. That is the place my stinkin’ thinkin’ obtained in the way in which. I used to be ready for all of it to go – THEN I’d be extra intentional. Now I get there are occasions when you might have NOTHING left. Been there! Search for the enjoyment on this season of life, for there may be at all times one thing good. Trying again, Dan and I had time to play many video games collectively within the hospital and at appointments, and we glance again at that with fond reminiscences. The circumstances somewhat tough, however Dan was intentional about taking video games alongside every time. That was intentionality.

Snigger.

I’d say this one was one of many causes we fell in love within the first place. We may chuckle at absolutely anything. Then most cancers hit and that fireplace was squandered. I finished laughing when the load of our circumstances overwhelmed me. However I’ve since realized that laughter helps handle stress, diffuses stress, is clearly fulfilling, and naturally bonds. Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful coronary heart is sweet drugs, however a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Yep, I couldn’t attest to this extra! LAUGH together with your partner once more! Even when it means beginning with a foolish GIF or meme. Begin someplace.

I’ve way more I wish to say on this subject, however this publish is getting somewhat lengthy. Thanks for hanging with me. I don’t know the place you might be in your marriage, however I hope in SOME approach, you’ll be able to relate. Marriage is so so stunning, and that’s why Devil desires each a part of it. And because of this it takes deliberate, intentional, consideration.

You with me? Let’s hold preventing for our marriages and inspiring these round us of their marriages too!