The Journey to Valor and Vows: A Testimony of Religion and Obedience

By: Kristina Spencer

Our story of marriage and the army has included phrases we by no means imagined we’d say: “I desire a divorce.” On the time, we have been in ministry, actively instructing {couples} within the U.S. Air Drive in regards to the foundations of a robust marriage. On the skin, we appeared like the proper workforce, however behind closed doorways, our marriage was falling aside.

It wasn’t one catastrophic occasion that introduced us there. It was a gradual erosion – a collection of small cracks that grew right into a chasm. Matt acknowledged a major communication barrier in our relationship, one he couldn’t see altering himself. In the meantime, I (Kristina) had misplaced hope for a greater future and didn’t see how I might persuade him to alter in our communication disaster. We have been each at a breaking level and neither of us might see a method ahead.

In that second of deep brokenness, I spotted divorce wasn’t an possibility for me. I reached out to a trusted pastor and his spouse, confessing the dire state of our marriage. They prompt a constructive separation, an opportunity to step again and reassess. We did this and it was brutally arduous. But, at the same time as I attempted to think about life with out Matt, I knew I couldn’t management how he considered our marriage. That was when God used one thing sudden to open up my coronary heart.

In the course of my despair, God introduced the story of Abraham to thoughts – the second when Abraham was requested to sacrifice his son, Isaac. For the primary time, I spotted this wasn’t only a story about my religion; it was about obedience. Abraham trusted God so fully that he believed God might both increase Isaac from the useless or present one other sacrifice.

That revelation modified every thing. I prayed, “Father, if that is going to alter, then change me first. I’m trusting you to both increase this marriage from the useless or present a sacrifice.”

Full Give up

Throughout our constructive separation, I clung to the hope that God wasn’t executed with us but. However as an alternative of issues bettering, each interplay felt extra strained. The space between us grew wider, which was not how I envisioned our story coming collectively. I used to be holding on by a thread after I found the mediation providers supplied by XO Marriage. I labored, by myself, with this ministry’s mediators they usually turned devices of God’s work in my coronary heart earlier than we concerned Matt within the course of.

By way of their steering, I confronted a tough however essential reality: I wanted to take accountability in my view within the marriage. I couldn’t act because the Holy Spirit for Matt, convicting him of his wrongs, and I couldn’t drive him to recommit to our relationship when, truthfully, he most likely didn’t know what to anticipate given my mind set at that time. God must work in his coronary heart, not me. It was each liberating and terrifying to give up all management to God. I had pledged my life to Matt. Actually, God? You’re asking me to belief you when you’re the one who introduced us collectively and now we’re falling aside? I couldn’t shake these ideas.

Simply when it felt like issues couldn’t worsen, Matt instructed me he was submitting for divorce. It was as if the bottom beneath me had disappeared. In desperation, I reached out to prayer warriors I trusted and requested them to hitch me in fasting and prayer for 3 days. I had no concept what God would do however I knew He was our solely hope.

On the ultimate hour of the third day of fasting, I obtained a textual content from Matt: “I wish to transfer ahead. I do know we have now a whole lot of work to do individually and collectively, however I’m keen to do it.”

These phrases felt like a lifeline! Actual change didn’t occur in a single day. It started with small, constant steps of give up and obedience. Matt later instructed me that in these three days, he might really feel somebody praying for him. He described it as a wierd however simple sensation of being carried in prayer.

“I heard the Holy Spirit clearly say, ‘Go dwelling,’” he admitted. “I don’t know what we’re going to do or methods to repair this, however I really feel like that is what God has for us,” Matt shared.

God’s Sovereign Hand

That second turned a turning level – not only for our marriage however for our particular person relationships with God. It was now not about saving our relationship on our personal phrases and efforts however about submitting completely to God, to His will for our marriage.

Trying again, we see how God used this painful season to realize glory. As a result of we submitted to Him, we’re in a position level others towards God. As a chaplain within the U.S. Air Drive, Matt often counsels {couples} who’re struggling of their marriages. Earlier than this expertise, he understood the statistics – most army marriages don’t survive the relentless pressures of service. Now, he has a deeply private testimony of God’s therapeutic energy inside marriage.

“There’s nothing a pair can’t work by, and there’s nothing God can’t heal,” Matt typically says. This conviction isn’t only a concept; it’s rooted in what we’ve lived. Our expertise of strolling by the valley and discovering God’s grace has geared up us to information others by their very own storms.

Some of the essential classes we realized throughout this season is the significance of priorities. Navy life typically calls for every thing from you – the tempo is unrelenting and the mission can really feel like a very powerful factor. With out the proper priorities, even the strongest {couples} will falter.

By way of counseling, Matt and I typically assist {couples} determine their prime three priorities: God, their partner, and their kids. When God isn’t first, distractions and sin creep in. When your partner isn’t your second precedence, emotional distance grows. And when your kids aren’t prioritized, they really feel the ripple results of neglect. These priorities aren’t simply beliefs; they’re essential for therapeutic and thriving in a wedding.

Right this moment, our marriage is stronger than ever – not as a result of we’ve obtained this down completely however as a result of we’ve realized to depend on God in each season of our lives. We’ve leaned into the neighborhood He’s offered, from prayer warriors, church household, and mentors to army brothers and sisters. Ministries like XO Marriage have additionally performed a significant function in our therapeutic.

From this season, God gave us a brand new objective: to assist different army {couples} discover hope and restoration. This calling turned Valor and Vows, a ministry devoted to equipping army {couples} to thrive by the distinctive challenges of their army calling.

To anybody who looks like their marriage is past restore, we wish to go away you with this reality: There’s nothing a pair can not work by. There’s nothing God can not heal. Irrespective of how deep the harm or how not possible the state of affairs appears, He’s the God who brings useless issues again to life. If He can resurrect our marriage, He can do the identical for you.

Let this be a reminder that once we give up management of our lives and stroll in His obedience, God could make a method—even when there appears to be none.

“For whoever would save his life will lose it, however whoever loses his life for my sake will discover it.” Matthew 16:25

Main Matthew Spencer and Kristina Spencer carry over 20 years of mixed expertise in ministry, counseling, and management to their work with army {couples} and households. Matt, a USAF Chaplain with a background in Safety Forces, gives pastoral care, religious development alternatives, and worship management to Airmen and their households, leveraging his intensive service throughout enlisted and officer roles worldwide. Kristina, an ordained minister, XO Marriage content material author, and authorized marriage mediator, has led impactful girls’s ministries, younger grownup teams, and large-scale occasions whereas mentoring others of their religion and relationships. Collectively, they’re enthusiastic about equipping {couples} with sensible methods and biblical ideas to construct resilient, God-centered marriages.

*Photograph courtesy of Matthew and Kristina Spencer.